Step 3
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
“This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
Step 3 is a decision — not a feeling, not a permanent achievement. It’s made daily, sometimes hourly. The key word is decision.
What it means
“Made a decision” — action, not emotion. You don’t have to feel willing; you just have to choose to act as if you are.
“Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 68
“Turn our will and our lives over” — self-will is the engine of the problem. Trying to control outcomes, people, and circumstances. Step 3 is the practice of letting go of that control.
“Selfishness — self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
“To the care of God as we understood Him” — your definition. The step doesn’t prescribe a religion. It asks you to stop running the show alone.
“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
The Third Step Prayer
Many people say this prayer daily, with a sponsor, when first taking this step:
“God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63
Common struggles
“I don’t know how to ‘turn it over’.” It’s a practice, not a technique. Many people use the Third Step Prayer. Others simply pause before acting and ask: am I doing this my way or am I open to direction?
“Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 64
“I keep taking my will back.” Everyone does. Step 3 isn’t a one-time event. It’s renewed every morning and whenever self-will flares up.
“Each day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 85
“Surrendering feels passive.” It’s not. Turning your will over doesn’t mean doing nothing — it means acting from a different motive. Less fear and control, more trust and openness.
“We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: ‘God, I offer myself to Thee…’ We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63
Practical suggestions
- Say the Third Step Prayer daily, even if it feels mechanical at first
- When facing a decision, pause and ask: what would I do if I weren’t afraid? What would I do if I trusted the outcome?
- Work this step with a sponsor — it’s easy to intellectualize alone
“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people — was not a basic solution of these the primary purpose of Step Three?” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 52
Speaker talks on Step 3
Related tags
surrender · self-will · turning-our-life · god · step-2 · step-4
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