Step 8
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
“We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76
Step 8 is preparation. Before any action is taken, you make a thorough list and cultivate the willingness to face it.
What it means
“All persons we had harmed” — this comes largely from your Step 4 inventory. Anyone who was hurt by your behavior: family, friends, employers, people you’ve wronged financially, emotionally, or physically.
“We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76
“Became willing” — again, willingness is the work of this step. You don’t have to have made the amends yet. You have to be willing to.
“The readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.” — Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 8
The list typically has three categories:
- People you’re willing to make amends to now
- People you’re willing to make amends to eventually
- People you’re not yet willing to approach
“Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure.” — Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 8
Common struggles
“Do I have to include people who harmed me too?” Yes, if you harmed them in return. Your part is your part, regardless of what they did.
“We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83
“Some people on my list are dead or unreachable.” They still go on the list. There are ways to make amends to people you can’t contact directly — your sponsor can help.
“Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 79
“I’m afraid of what will happen when I approach some of these people.” That’s what Step 9 is for. Step 8 is just the list and the willingness. Don’t jump ahead.
“The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 82
Practical suggestions
- Use your Step 4 resentment list as a starting point
- Add anyone else you can think of — financial debts, broken promises, people you’ve gossiped about
- Discuss the list with your sponsor before moving to Step 9
“Now we need more action, without which we find that ‘Faith without works is dead.’ Let’s look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76
Speaker talks on Step 8
- Me First: Making Amends Steps 8–9 — Kia H, Patrik H
- 12 Steps to a Spiritual Awakening (Part 3) — Sandy B
- Working Workaholics Anonymous Steps 1–9 — Workshop
Related tags
resentment · relationship · step-7 · step-9
All Steps
Step 1 · Step 2 · Step 3 · Step 4 · Step 5 · Step 6 · Step 7 · Step 8 · Step 9 · Step 10 · Step 11 · Step 12